Stephanie Shott

All this talk about love and romance may bring out the warm and fuzzies in the hearts of many, but it leaves a whopping 95,700,000 in the cold. Divorced, widowed, never been married and even those who are now in a relationship comprise this vast number of single adults.

Valentine's Day may be the Holiday of Love, but not everyone has reason to celebrate. For some, they'll find the empty chair at the dinner table an unbearable reminder of a broken marriage and a broken heart. Others will sit silently at their favorite restaurant grieving the loss of the love of their life. Many will gather with family and friends dodging the relentless and patronizingly uncomfortable question, "So, when are you gonna get married?"

Today's guest blogger candidly shares her heart as she allows us to look at Valentine's Day through the eyes of singleness. Rose's story may just change the way you think about the value of love and marriage.

Once again, the holiday of ‘romance’ rolls around and once again there will be no notes, no cards, no flowers. Now, I am not complaining about this season in my life as I know that God has a plan and it is all in His timing, but it did get me thinking of how we can sometimes lose our focus on what love is all about.

There has been a time or two when I have had friends who confided how they had seriously been contemplating leaving their husband (and I am talking women who know the Lord). Their reasons for wanting out are not for the grossly abusive situations one would hope God would understand, but for the same vague reasons of dissatisfaction given for the dissolution of so many worldly relationships.

Being someone who has been divorced for nine years now, I offer a view from the ‘other side’ as food for thought. God was so good to me and saved me soon after my divorce when I was at a very low point. I am thankful for that and have grown more and more every day and every year since then. But one thing has not happened. I still spend Valentine’s alone.

As much as I would love things to be different, it has obviously not been in God’s plan for me right now. I don't plan on going out and finding myself a man on my own? No. Not going to make that mistake again.

When my friends ask me about leaving their husbands, I just ask them, "Are you are willing to live with the consequences of your disobedience to God if you choose what you think you want right now? Or are you willing to give the Godly relationship you have now a chance with unconditional love, that same love that He has shown you?”

I would think the choice would be obvious.

I shared Rose's story because I believe it may help those who are walking through a difficult season in their marriage. Perhaps they could filter their decisions through Rosie's questions and consider the consequences before things go too far.

What about you? Do you know someone who's considering divorce? Are you? I'd count it an honor to pray for you if you are struggling in your marriage?

Maybe you'd like to share your story or some words of wisdom that can encourage those who are barely holding on by a thread. I'd love to hear from you.

I have something to confess. I'm not romantic at all. I know it's strange, but it all seems corny...kind of surreal. Like a musical. People just don't do that in real life. It's not that I don't know what romance is or how to be romantic, it's just that it's not important me. However, I'v decided that I need to try to expand my horizons. It may freak my husband out a little bit, but I thought I'd try to do something romantic for a change.

I have to admit, I had to do a little research, but I came up with 20 tips for a romantic Valentine's Day. I'll start with our annual tradition:

1. Don't Buy a Valentine's Day card. Go to the store together, find one that expresses your heart, show it to each other & put it back. (Kind of a fun, free & quirky way to say "I love you")

2. Candlelight dinner by the fireplace. (Don't forget the chocolate covered strawberries for dessert)

3. Blindfold your husband, take him to the place where he proposed to you and propose to him. Tell him you'd do it all over again.

4. Set up a table & chairs at the beach or park and surprise him with a picnic lunch packed full of your favorite foods.

5. Beginning on February 1st, put a love note inside his lunch or in his wallet every day. On the 14th, write out your plans for that evening explaining how you two are going to spend the evening. He may enjoy the details more than your think.

6. Make reservations to have a couples message.

7. Surprise him with a weekend getaway to a place you've both been wanting to go.

8. Cruise the beach, a country road or meander your way through the shops of a small town.

9. Plan a camping trip in your living room and snuggle by your fireplace. Don't forget the marshmallows.

10. Write a love letter to your husband and have someone read it over the intercom at his job. (O.K. - the romance factor will depend on his personality)

11. Take a train ride together. There's something romantic about eating dinner together in the dining car of a train.

12. Go fishing together. You may not want to put your bait on the hook, but he won't mind doing it for you.

13. Lingerie and rose petals. Need I say more.

14. Dance under the stars. Drive to a somewhat secluded area at night, turn on the radio and dance under the stars.

15. Plan dinner on the rooftop of a building downtown or in a restaurant or museum after it closes. This one may be a little more expensive.

16. Play spin the bottle with your husband. It's o.k. when you're married. :-)

17. Scavenger Hunt Valentine's Day date.Leave clues describing where he is to go next until he finally reaches a romantic restaurant overlooking the water. Then continue to give clues to the next stop (possibly somewhere like rock climbing together-you'll need to provide a change of clothes for him since he'll be dressed up for the date).

18. Rent a classic car for the day. Go to dinner, the theater and dancing. Make a day of it. Just make sure the car is back before midnight so it doesn't turn into a pumpkin.

19. Have a limo pick your husband up from work and meet him at a quaint restaurant overlooking the water or the mountains (something with a view). Enjoy the night being chauffeured around town in style.

20. Plan a trip in a sailboat, a moonlight boat cruise or take your Valentine to the zoo. Many zoos have special Valentine dinners.Just be creative and have fun together.

So, that's the best this unromantic girl could do. How about you? What would you add to this list? How would you improve it?

(Don't forget, we've got several special guest bloggers coming in a few days and I know you won't want to miss them.)

Here we are on our second post on "LOVE" and there's been a great response. I'll be featuring some wonderful guest bloggers who will share their stories &/or advice about building strong marriages that glorify God. You won't want to miss their posts. I'm looking forward to your comments as we seek to encourage women in the marriages. You may write exactly what someone else needs to hear. Each comment will enter you in a drawing to win The Husband Project by Kathi Lipp.

Hearts, flowers and kisses everywhere you turn. It's the season of love. In fact, it's reported that about ten percent of all proposals take place on Valentine's Day. A time to exhibit externally what is felt internally. But what exactly is love? Do we really understand it? Is it a just a feeling...something that makes our hearts flutter and our knees grow weak?



Love is an illusive word that dictionaries define as anything from a warm feeling to strong affection. But is that all it is? Do people make a lifelong commitment to one another based on a warm fuzzy feeling or a strong affection? If that's all it is, then what does love really have to do with a "'til death do us part" kind of marriage?

The answer is...everything. Love has everything to do with it. But dictionaries fall seriously short of defining what love really is. The Bible, however, gives us a very descriptive and detailed definition of what love is by explaining what love does in 1 Corinthians 13.

Here's what love is and what love is not:

Love is patient, Love is kind, Love is not jealous; Love does not brag, Love is not arrogant

Love does not act unbecomingly; Love it does not seek its own, Love is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered,

Love does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but Love rejoices with the truth;

Love bears all things, Love believes all things, Love hopes all things, Love endures all things.

Love never fails!

I'm not sure why the dictionaries struggle so much in their attempts to define love, when the Bible makes it so very clear that it's much more than a feeling. It's what we choose to do. It's what we choose not to do. We choose to be patient and kind. We choose to refrain from arrogance and selfishness.

As we enter the season that we celebrate "Love" it's important to remember that love is more than a feeling, it's a choice. Feelings fluctuate, but we can always choose to love...even when we don't "feel" like it.

I remember being baffled after reading Titus 2 about how the older women are to teach the younger women to love their husbands. We already love our husbands...after all, we married them. Little did I realize that we are human and prone to losing that loving feeling. Sometimes, we're just not feeling the love. So, what do we do?

Perhaps we'd be wise to filter our love for our husbands through the 1 Corinithians 13 "love test." Ask yourself, "Am I being kind?" If not, you are not loving your husband. "Am I acting rude to or holding a grudge against my man?" If so, you aren't loving him.

One of the most profound truths I have ever learned about loving my man is that love is much more than a feeling, it's a choice. That means that even when I don't feel like loving him, I can choose to love him. Feelings come and go, love never fails.

So, what's love got to do with it? Everything...absolutely everything.

What is the most profound truth you have learned about loving your husband? What are some practical ways we can show our husbands that we love them?

In light of the upcoming "Holiday of Love" I thought I'd share some thoughts on marriage in a rather exposed, up close and personal kind of way. So for the next few posts, I'll be talking about love and marriage. During this time, I'd really love to hear from you as you share your story and your views on how to have a strong marriage. Every time you comment on one of these posts, you'll be entered in a drawing for The Husband Project, by Kathi Lipp.

My husband is my best friend. It hasn't always been this way, but after 23 years, I can say we're more in love now than the day we said "I do." Marriages seldom come neatly wrapped in conflict free packages and our's is no exception. Polar opposites with different passions and pursuits, our only real common denominator has been Jesus. And to be honest with you, He's been the glue that's kept this marriage together when our hearts were weary with each other.

Like a great pound cake, there are certain ingredients that are absolutely necessary for it to be successful. Today, I'd like to share a few we've learned over the past 23 years. It's not a comprehensive list and I'm not listing them in any particular order, I'm just writing them down as spontaneously as they come to my mind. Perhaps you can relate to some of them, or maybe you will see your need to implement a few. You may just want to add some of your own. If so, I'd really love to hear from you.

1. Laugh Together - Laugh at each other; laugh at yourself; laugh at your circumstances...but whatever you do...laugh together. There's a wonderful bonding process that takes place when your jaws and your bellies hurt together. You may just have to quit taking yourself so seriously to do it, but look for the absurd, crack yourself up, prank each other, watch comedies together...do whatever you have to, but laugh together. Think about it, when's the last time you saw a couple laughing their way to divorce court.

2. Respect One Another - Aretha Franklin is famous for the familiar song, "Respect"...All we're asking...is for a little respect. Just a little bit. Just a little bit. They may be cute lyrics in a song, but respect is a basic human need...especially in marriage...especially for a man. Our husbands not only want our respect, they really need it. I honestly believe the Proverbs 31 woman's husband found himself sitting at the gate because his wife believed in him. She supported him, she encouraged him, she respected him. A wife's respect can bolster a man's courage and confidence and give him strength to fulfill his potential. A husband's respect for his wife fosters security and assures her that he values her thoughts, her efforts and her opinions. Strong marriages require a mutual respect.

3. Don't Sweat the Small Stuff - We've spent more time than I'd like to admit arguing over things that really didn't matter in the grander scheme of things. Our differences were often the spark that started the fire, but our immaturity seemed to keep it ablaze. Does it really matter if he folded the towels wrong? Is it such a big deal that he thinks surfboards make great wall decorations? It's funny how we find ourselves deep in battle and all of a sudden realize we don't have a clue what we're arguing about. There's no sense in making a big deal over little issues. In fact, when your small issue becomes a mountain-size argument, it would be a good idea to employ #1 and just laugh together instead.

These are just a few steps on our way to maintaining or regaining that loving feeling, but I'd like to hear from you. How do you keep your marriage strong? Share your story and encourage others. I'd love to see this blog on "Love" help to strengthen someone's marriage because you shared!

In my next blog we'll talk about what love is, and what love is not. We'll also cover the coveted concept of submission. You may be surprised by what it really means to submit. :-)

In my mind I'm able to leap tall buildings with a single bound; I can run marathons and still do cartwheels and backbends, but in reality I've become quite the wimp. I wasn't always like this. There was a time when I was known as the neighborhood tomboy. Every afternoon we'd meet in the local field and play softball, football, soccer, dodgeball and kickball. When we played softball, dodgeball and kickball, I gave those boys a run for their money...but football...now that's another story. My football skills left little to be desired and everyone knew it. I wasn't any better at soccer, either. When it was time to pick teams, I was always the last one standing. It was frustrating and humiliating. It left me broken and feeling "less than." No one wanted me and what was worse is that I wouldn't have chosen me either.



Have you ever felt like the odd girl out...the fifth wheel...the forgotten? It's a painfully lonely place to be, but priceless lessons lie deep beneath the surface of each rejection. No one wants to be left out, but it's just part of life.

As I read the story of Joseph and Matthias in Acts 1, I was reminded of the many times I felt left out when someone else was chosen instead of me. The Bible says the disciples cast lots to see who the Lord would choose to take Judas' place as one of the twelve. It fulfilled scripture, but it had to leave Joseph feeling less than fulfilled. What was it that the Lord saw in him that made him "unworthy"? Wasn't he good enough? Was there a secret sin? Did pride plague his heart? Was God protecting him from circumstances he wasn't ready for? What would the others think of him? How could he face them knowing the Lord had chosen someone else for the job instead of him? So many questions, yet we're left with absolutely no answers. We can only assume how he may have felt.

Tradition tells us that Joseph, a/k/a Barsabbas (son of the Sabbath), a/k/a Justus, went on to become Bishop of Eleutheropolis, where he died a martyr. He may have come in second to Matthias, but he came in ahead of the other 100 or so that were in the room. And if tradition holds true, his rejection was just a bump in the road on his way to faithfully following the Lord and serving the church of Christ in Eleutheropolis.

We all face rejection. We all feel left out at some time or another. But rejection is not failure...it's not the end. Perhaps the "no" you face today is a necessary step to the bigger "yes" you will hear tomorrow.

The question is, how can we make the most of those times when we're passed over for someone else?

1. Take an Honest Evaluation of Yourself - Is there an obvious reason you were passed by? Are you qualified to fulfill the position? Are you ready for the consequences (good or bad) that are sure to come if you were chosen? Can you handle the success, the position, the platform? Are there skills you need to hone before you are placed in that coveted position?

2. Analyze Your Motives - Why do you want to be chosen? Are you willing to be humble? To die to self? To put others first? Are you trying to make a name for yourself or trying to make HIS name known?

3. Think of Others - When someone else is chosen instead of you, perhaps it is for their good. Maybe the Lord sees the need of their heart and has blessed them with a heavenly "yes". It's possible that they were chosen to minister to others in their sphere of influence. Be happy for them. Support them. Let others know you esteem them better than you esteem yourself.

4. Trust God & Rest - God is God, and we are not. He knows all; He sees all. There is nothing that escapes His view, no heart that He does not see, no pain that He is unaware of, no promotion that He does not ordain or allow. Therefore, we can rest in the His sovereignty and trust that if we will humble ourselves under the mighty hand of God...in due time, He will lift us up. Maybe not where we think, maybe not where we plan...but He will lift us up. He promises. So in the meantime, trust God and rest in the fact that He filters every event in our lives through His loving hands.

5. Keep Going - Don't give up. Although not every door is ours to walk through, we all have been given doors with our name on it. As we seek to know the Lord more, we will come to know His will more. William Carey once said, "Attempt great things for God, expect great thing from God." In his attempts to reach India for Christ, William Carey lost his son, his wife, and years of Bible translation for the Indian people when his house burned down...twice! His mission board was against him, his fellow pastors thought he was wasting his time. Yet, when he died at 73 (1834), he had seen the Scriptures translated and printed into forty languages, he had been a college professor, and had founded a college at Serampore. He had seen India open its doors to missionaries, he had seen the edict passed prohibiting sati (burning widows on the funeral pyres of their dead husbands), and he had seen converts for Christ. So, keep going! The Lord isn't through with you yet.

How about you? How do you handle rejection? Share your story and what you learned from your "no".

I wanted to use my blog to allow those who have stories from Haiti to share to do so. Haiti's world has been completely turned upside down and they are still a people in desperate need of help and of prayer. May this blog bring attention to their plight as you read Kristi's story.

The Haitian Faces in My Mind's Eye...

Almost 14 years ago, I stepped off of a plane in Port au Prince, Haiti. It was sweltering hot, but more than the heat assaulted my senses- the rank smell of poverty hit me for the first time in my life.

I spent a week in Port au Prince in spring of 1996. I went back again in August of the same year.

Those weeks changed my life forever. In two short weeks my teenage world was turned upside down as I held dying children in my arms, untied abandoned children from beds where they had been left to starve in the general "hospital" and carried them to safety in a Christian orphanage, shared the gospel from shack to shack and door to door, sat in a voodoo temple while we shared Truth with the witchdoctor, bathed children suffering with scabies and assisted in providing medical care, and saw the freedom that only Jesus can give set people free from bondage much greater than the poverty they lived with.

So now as I hear news accounts that estimate a death toll of over 100,000 in Port au Prince, my mind reels.

Those aren't just numbers. Faces roll through my mind.



“There is a blanket of dust rising from the valley south of the capital,” agency officials said Ms. van de Wetering had told them. “We can hear people calling for help from every corner. The aftershocks are ongoing and making people very nervous.” -NY Times



With many poor residents living in tin-roof shacks that sit precariously on steep ravines and with much of the construction in Port-au-Prince and elsewhere in the country of questionable quality, the expectation was that the quake caused major damage to buildings and significant loss of life. -NY Times



Everywhere, you heard cries from beneath the rubble," Auza said. -CNN



"...government officials said the death toll from Tuesday's 7.0-magnitude earthquake may exceed 100,000." -CNN

If you can help, please help.

Harvest International is the mission agency I traveled with - the founder, Dr. John Leininger, was the father of some of my classmates and accompanied us on the trips. They are requesting donations which will go straight to their missionaries in Port au Prince to help with relief efforts on a local level. You can go to their link here.

You might also consider donating through Compassion International, Samaritan's Purse, the Salvation Army, or many other charities.

But please, let's help. Those numbers are more than numbers... I look at these pictures and wonder how many of those children - now in their late teens or early 20's - survived.

Our world is groaning, Lord... show us how to give mercy in Your name, even from far away.
--
Blogging my way through God's Word and stopping along the way to discuss homekeeping, homeschooling, motherhood, and womanhood!

http://www.krististephens.com

In light of the recent circumstances in Haiti, I will postpone my personal blog post to give you the opportunity to read a letter from one of the missionaries in Haiti. She is thankful, broken, tired and ill, yet she still gives the Lord praise. Below is her letter which I have cut and pasted as I received it:

I am in Jacksonville but not feeling very well. I'm exhausted. The concrete dust has taken a toll on my breathing and I am running a fever. I have a cough, total laryngitis and cannot talk at all.

Some structures are OK. Many houses fell down. Many more are standing but were damaged and are unsafe. Thousands of people have died. Many are hurt.

By the grace of God and a miracle, I am alive. I was walking in my room when the earthquake hit. I tried to run but fell down into the hall and couldn't get up. I crawled into the bathroom, put a little plastic table over my head, and watched my room fall off the building. Had I been sitting in my room, I would not have gotten out. The noise was terrible and concrete was falling all around me. I praise the Lord that I got out with just a few little bumps & bruises. Praise the Lord!!!!!!!!!! The house is totally destroyed. The back third of the house fell off. It is a miracle anyone got out.

The children all ran outside. Praise the Lord!!!!!!!!!! They are OK except for Peterson who died instantly when the house fell on him.

We had about 150 people sleeping in the yard Tuesday evening. Pastor Cenor came by Tuesday evening and I asked him to sing & pray with the people in the yard. They thanked the Lord that they were alive. 9 people accepted Jesus. Praise the Lord!!!!!!!!!! The children have a praise time every evening. They thank the Lord for everything they have.Praise the Lord!!!!!!!!!!

There were many injured people in the yard Tuesday evening. One little girl had a big gash in her leg and was losing a lot of blood. Karen Bultje was able to take them to the Sisters of Charity who still had a building and medicines & bandages. Then the little girl was brought back because everyone slept outside because there were frequent aftershocks, some pretty strong. Karen gave us some Ibuprophen to give the injured.

The children are eating. Praise the Lord!!!!!!!!!! We found boxes of Feed my Starving Children rice mix. Then someone gave us cases of Poptarts. They like Poptarts. They are sleeping in the yard of the construction site. Tuesday night they slept on the ground, but by Wednesday we had started to find some mattresses. It is cold at night. By Friday we were finding blankets and sheets. It is very cold at night - especially sleeping outside on the ground. The wind blows fine concrete dust all the time. We have worked very hard scavenging whatever we could from the rubble. We are all exhausted.

We got our medicines out. Sometimes there were aftershocks and the building was shaking as we were working. A doctor with the Restavek Assoc. came by and asked for medicines. She went off Thursday and Friday with a laundry basket full of medicines and bandages to help people.

We have taken in more children. I don't know how many because we had no paper to make a list. Some school children are staying there while the family stays with relatives in the countryside. I expect to get multitudes of children. Please pray that we can help the children who lost parents in the earthquake.

It is very important that we try to keep going. We need to continue the feeding program and medical program. The children in 4th - 7th grades still have classrooms. They need to continue. They need some sort of a normal life. Please pray that we can continue feeding and caring for children.

We got some stuff out of the house. Most of the clothing is ripped & covered with concrete. The children need shoes.

Please help us. The wall around the construction site fell down and needs to be rebuilt. We need to finish the 2nd floor of the construction site to make space. Right now, we are very crowded. We will have about 20 boys in 1 bedroom. We need to build a school kitchen and an orphanage. We need clothing, shoes, and everything for daily living. For right now, cash will be better than people collecting things. You can donate on line at http://www.christianlightfoundation.com (Please be sure to designate your contribution "Sherrie Fausey-Haiti")

Thank you for your prayers. The Lord took care of us.

God bless you,

Sherrie Fausey
Christian Light Foundation
PO Box 23881
Jacksonville, FL 32241-3881

A Follow-up letter on some efforts that are taking place through Christian Light Foundation to help minister the love of Jesus in this time of crisis. Again, I have cut and pasted it below:

Today we leave with a small medical and construction team for Port au Prince, Haiti. We will be taking a flight with MAF (missionary flight). The guest house we usually stay in was destroyed so we will be sleeping outside in the courtyard of Sherrie Fausey's orphanage. We will set up a base medical camp at Karen Bultje's compound as the walls are partially up there.We will also be doing a mobile medical cllinic to the refugee area. The construction team will be replacing the walls as this is needed for security. Please pray for our team, for emotional, spiritual and physical strength and that we can bring comfort to as many Haitians and missionaries as the Lord sends our way.
In His Grace
Dr. Karen